Addition to FanFic

Addition to the story: Exploring the land of nature. The Magic Faraway Tree story

The children and the treefolk that is Silky, Moonface and Saucepan Man looked around in wonder at the land of nature. As they stood on the path that connected the lakes and forest, some of the folk of the land of nature scurried past them. There were pixie's riding cute bunny rabbits that had fluffy tails, fairie's riding on ducks across the water on the lake, and elves busily watering the pretty flowers that were growing everywhere. "Hey, watch out!" said Bessie as an elf splashed water he was carrying in a watering can on her foot. "Let's have an adventure", said Tim and the other children nodded their heads and said "let's".
They walked along the trail, which wove its way around forests of beech trees, and beautiful vistas looking out to the sea and lakes. Saucepan Man's pots and kettles were clanging away as he walked. They stopped to hear some birds singing a tune in the trees. Moonface asked everyone if they would like a pop biscuit or google bun and the children said yes, so Jo unpacked his backpack and handed the group a pop biscuit each, and then gave everyone a cup and Fanny poured lemonade into the cups for everyone. Then after resting, the group got up and continued on their walk. They walked a little further and then Moonface said "be quiet" to Saucepan Man. Above the bird song, Moonface could hear the sound of the sea.
"We must be near the sea", cried the children. And sure enough when the group looked down the hill they were able to see sand dunes, and a golden sand beach filled with the most amazing things, like canoes, paddler boats and a cafe that always had food no matter how much food you wanted to eat. They raced down the hill, Moonface taking Silky's hand, and the Saucepan Man galloping along. When they got to the beach, they were greeted by blonde haired mermaids that offered them some sunblock and hats. "For me" said Silky. "Oh what lovely girls you are". One mermaid gave Saucepan Man a large colourful towel because he was a bit shy of taking his saucepan's off in front of the group. The group read the sign that was on the beach. "Welcome to Paradise Beach" it read. "Enjoy your stay". With that the children including cousin Tim took their t shirts off and waded knee deep in the warm waters of Paradise Beach. They laughed out loud as they saw Saucepan Man, Silky and Moonface lying under a sun umbrella, each on their own deck chair's. Just then there was a sound calling. "Ice's, who wants ice's!" rang out. It was the icecream man! The children rushed out of the water. Moonface, who was surprised at the noise, fell out of his deckchair.

Last of story coming soon.

Week 11

Feedback for Kiniko

Hi Kiniko,

Good summary of the story. There is good background information on the character's. It gives good detail to what happens in the Blue Lotus to people who have not read the story before.

Feedback for Alan

Hi Alan,

Interesting start to the story. Maybe you could give a description of the characters that are going to feature in the story. I like how you have got the story structure established - good start.

Feedback for Edmond

Hi Edmond,

Great start to the story. The introduction is good too. The story flows naturally and the characters are given a description of how they fit in the story - e.g the main character's Naruto and Kakashi. I was thinking that maybe a title to the story would be good. The illustration in the story is a good thing. I think this is because it gives us an idea of what they look like in the story. There is good background information on Naruto and his family's history. I think the story is entertaining and fun when it includes the Batman character from Gotham in the story.

Week 10